Guide to Making Amends in Addiction Recovery: Step 9 of AA

The second part concerns understanding why it happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Kelly McGonigal, a yoga teacher and research psychologist at Stanford University, offers a four-step practice of making amends rooted in Tibetan Buddhist philosophy. Self-forgiveness is often not even possible, and certainly cannot be complete, until we have in some way made amends to those we’ve injured. Making amends is not for satisfying an external standard of morality.

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Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer. Many people think of making amends as simply apologizing for whatever wrongs they did in their using, however an apology is not an amend. An amend involves rectifying or making right what was wrong. For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using. In the midst of your ninth step, you say to him “I’m so sorry that I stole that money from you and used it for drugs”.

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I let him decide if he wants to do laundry at midnight or wear dirty clothes. I no longer interrogate him about his day at school, so I can give my wise advice on how to handle difficult peers. I’m not his teacher, and I’m sure she’s skilled at handling that type of problem. I am not proud of that, but it is the reality of how I used to behave.

• Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.
• One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment.
• You don’t have to be the best son or daughter, and you don’t need to be an ideal parent, but you need to show up when you make promises to do so.

What’s the Difference Between Making Amends and an Apology?

One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences. For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair. Our team works closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year.

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It is also best to have your sponsor or spiritual advisor guide you through this part of the 12 steps. There are certain instances where making amends may not be safe or may cause more harm than good. Sometimes, you may not receive an expected response, and you may not be forgiven. In all of these circumstances, your AA or NA sponsor and your support network are crucial aspects during the amends process.

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• Evidence-based, gender-specific care addresses the root cause of clients’ conditions.
• When we harm others, we harm ourselves in the process, and rationalizing or defending only makes us feel worse.
• Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing.
• It helps us learn from the experience and grow – in our relationship with ourselves and our capacity to love others.

Figure out ways to improve upon them, and tell your loved ones what you’re working on to help you improve. These changes in behavior help toward the goal of reestablishing relationships or making them stronger. The main purpose and mission of Alcoholics living amends Anonymous members is to stay sober and help others achieve sobriety. So that even when someone has overcome their addiction, they stay within the fellowship and help others overcome their addiction, and this also keeps them from relapsing.

How Soon Do I Start to Make Amends Once I Am Sober?

As with all the steps I have found for me, that as time moves on they reveal more and more to me. I have found that there is so much spiritual depth to them. The more I practiced this step the more I found out how much healing comes from it and not just for me. This step does carry a condition—except when to do so would injure them or others. The benefit of making amends to the recovering person does not outweigh the need to do any more harm.

What is making amends in addiction recovery?

So we can skip the long-winded speeches and just be mom or dad. In Twelve Step terminology, another word for “amend” is “fix.” Not the fix we might have chased back in the day, but a fix to a broken relationship. We don’t need to delve into the past and apologize for every birthday party we missed, every fight we picked or the years we were absent— either physically or emotionally. Notice the words “right to resentment” and “underserved qualities” in there? It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, “abandoning [our] right to resentment . . . “.

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