Making Living Amends in 12 Step Recovery

An essential part of addiction treatment and recovery is learning how to offer amends for living amends your actions and behaviors while you were under the influence of various substances. When you’re ready to make amends, you can find support to guide you through the process. Connect with 12-Step treatment programs to start planning your recovery. An apology is expressing regret or saying sorry for causing harm to someone. Amends often include apologies, but they go beyond words.

I owe so much gratitude for the way they loved me when I was not ready to love myself.

We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments. David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning. In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother. Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer.

• I let him decide if he wants to do laundry at midnight or wear dirty clothes.
• What happens when an attempt to correct your wrongs may cause further harm?
• New Life House has helped young men stay sober for over 35 years.
• However, completing it often brings immense relief and renewed hope.
• Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated.
• Therefore, it is almost impossible to find an addict whose behavior harmed no one.

Steps for Making Living Amends

They create imagined monsters which seldom materialize while making amends. Making the effort to rectify old behaviors is much less difficult than it is in the mind of an addict. Most feel that they have walked away from the process clean and free. Completing a rehab program is an accomplishment to be proud of, but it’s only the first step on a lifelong journey toward sobriety.

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• Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego.
• For instance, step 8 requires you to make a list of everyone you hurt that you sincerely want to make amends with.
• When he runs out of clean clothes, I don’t lecture or offer solutions.
• If you promised your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now.
• However, they will likely still feel hurt by how you treated them and might be hesitant to forgive you, no matter how sincerely you apologize.

That’s normal, and you don’t have to respond right away. You may have a list of people you want to make amends to personally. If you’re following the 12 Steps, making a list is Step 8. It’s common to struggle with feelings of guilt or shame. And it can be intimidating to be uncertain about how the other person will react. It would be easy to think there is nothing more WYG can write about guilt and grief.

Nonetheless, being accountable for your misdeeds is your goal. Your actions alone may bring you a sense of peace, whether a person accepts you amends or not. Working through Step 9 allows you to move forward, regardless of how others respond. Today I am working on (the behaviors noted above) by

• Monarch Shores offers luxury housing with beautiful ocean views and individualized addiction treatment in Southern California.
• Giving a person space and honoring their right to feel what they feel about the impact your addiction and the connected behaviors has had on their lives.
• So much so, in fact, that there are two steps dedicated to it.
• Amends translates to aligning your words with your actions while learning in recovery how to live by a new set of principles to maintain a sober lifestyle.